we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
