Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
