i jhust puked up my retainher.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
