My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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