Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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