real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
