sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
