I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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