When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
