Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
