I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
