I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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