hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
