and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The adults are the big ones right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
