Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
