Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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