ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
