The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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