dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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