Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
