So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
