you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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