shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
