God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sorry my hands just texted you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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