you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
