Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
