i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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