I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
