Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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