Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
