Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
