I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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