i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
