How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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