In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Pants are for mortals
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
