Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
