Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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