After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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