break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
