I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
