You're completely useless in the revolution.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
