just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
