your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
