He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My balls are so social today.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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