i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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