Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
