i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
