well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is wine microwaveable?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
