Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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