I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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