Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
