I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
