dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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