it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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