i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
