I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
