There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
