If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
