I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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