My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
