she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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